The best way, in my opinion, to deal with the challenges of life is to have a plan. Win the lottery, buy an island, live happily ever after. If only. Actually, my plan is a tad more achievable and doesn’t cost a penny — I just need five small things that help when I’m struggling.
For World Mental Health Day, I wrote about caring for our mental health in simple ways — using the Five Ways to Wellbeing and how they can guide us. This time, I wanted to look a little closer at what that actually means for me — when life feels overwhelming and those pesky hormones wreak their havoc.
Lately, I’ve found myself in a bit of a fog — a low, heavy feeling that creeps in from time to time when the conditions are just right. A swirl of strange emotions that confuse and make the way forward unclear. Over time, I’ve learned to recognise the signs — a kind of personal barometer for changes in my internal weather.
When I’m struggling, I’ve come to rely on the ways to wellbeing. A template to create the five small things that help— gentle anchors that steady me and small beacons of light that guide me back to myself. My own little lighthouse in the storm.
A quick note on the five small things that help when I’m struggling
These are the five small things that have helped me. But we’re all different, and what works for one person might not work for another. Pyjama yoga and slug spotting are definitely not everyone’s cup of tea.
Think of this as inspiration rather than instruction. The important thing is to find the things that resonate with you — the small habits, moments, or rituals that motivate you to keep going when your own unsettled weather rolls in.
🤝 Connect
When I start to drift inward — that quiet withdrawal that creeps in when my mood dips — connection becomes both the hardest and the most important thing. I don’t always feel like talking, but even small moments of connection help me to surface again.
Sometimes it’s as simple as sitting with Mark and the girls, listening to the chatter and clamour of everyday life in a busy home. Or sending a quick message to a friend, asking to meet for a dog walk — a low-pressure social contact, supported by nature. And sometimes it’s just stepping into the garden and remembering that I am connected — to the space I’m pouring my heart into, to the birds, the bees, and all the tiny lives I’m supporting.
It’s not always about people. It’s about presence — feeling part of something again, even if that something is the current cornucopia of slugs in my veg patch. (Yes, I Googled it — that really is the collective noun for slugs.)
🌿 Be Active
Being active is my nemesis. It’s one of the five small things that help when I’m struggling — and, ironically, the one I struggle with the most. Simple in theory, I know. Yet when I feel myself sinking, the motivation to move is often the first thing that goes overboard.
It’s not that I’m lazy; low mood saps my energy like nothing else. That depressive fog is cloying and draining, wrapping itself around everything until even the smallest task feels like wading through the dark depths of the ocean.
At these times, I find being bothered to do anything nigh-on impossible — even moaning about how rubbish I feel is exhausting.
Regardless of how much I want to curl up in a ball, that’s a definite no. Move I must! Just small movements to build momentum. A deep stretch to start the morning has the advantage that you don’t even have to get out of bed — you can Google bed yoga for some great stretches to try while still in your PJs (if PJs are your thing).
I’ve found yoga to be a brilliant aid for recovery; it offers both physical and mental benefits that have done me a world of good. You can also do it for free, as there are loads of YouTube videos — I’ve been learning through Yoga with Adriene. The selection of videos is fantastic, whether you want to work hard or wind down gently for the evening. Anyway, I’m not on commission for yoga — other forms of exercise are available.
🍂 Take Notice – my favourite easy win of all the five small things that help when I’m struggling
Taking notice is one of the five small things that I find easy! It’s a big, wide world out there, and there are plenty of things to notice, whatever your thing is. Elephants, aeroplanes, the Flying Scotsman… rude pub names?
It doesn’t have to be big or profound. Sometimes, for me, it’s as simple as the morning light moving across the wall — I lift up my hand to cast a shadow — or the smell of coffee in the office as people arrive, desperate for caffeine and warmth after their commute. Or just a smile exchanged with a passing stranger. These small observations help draw me out of my head and back into reality.
It’s so easy to bimble our way through life on autopilot, head full of this or that, unaware of the things around us — especially in this era of smartphones. I’ve had to make a real effort to cut down on screen time and drag myself back into reality. The fact it was such an effort was pretty concerning!
I notice a lot more now — birds, flowers, other people staring at their phones, interesting textures on walls. I even noticed a guy having a good old rummage in his trousers while waiting for a bus… so I guess it isn’t all good. But c’est la vie.
📚 Keep Learning
Don’t panic — you don’t have to start a degree or sign up for a tap-dancing class (unless you fancy that sort of thing, of course!). It can just be something small.
Learn a weird word — cattywampus: something that’s askew or out of alignment; bumfuzzle: to confuse or fluster; absquatulate: to leave somewhere abruptly. Or learn a new skill — juggling teapots, anyone? Joking aside, juggling is really good for your brain. But I can’t do it — no matter how much I try, and trust me, I have tried!
I actually learned to whistle loudly by putting two fingers in my mouth, and how to make an owl noise with my hands cupped. Never works when I try to show someone, though.
Lately, I’ve been learning more about photography. It’s teaching me to really look — to notice light and shadow, texture and tiny moments of beauty that would otherwise pass me by. One morning, I caught a pair of Seagulls in the City, perfectly balanced against the rooftops at dawn. I might have missed them entirely if I’d been watching more tardigrade videos on Facebook. It’s a difficult habit to give up.
So let me know if you learn something cool. You never know — something you pick up now could open a whole new world for you. Or not. Growth doesn’t have to be grand; it can also be small, joyful, and gloriously imperfect.
💛 Give
When I’m feeling blue — as I am now — it’s not always easy to keep giving or committing to things that require physical exertion. I won’t be offering my time to dig up anyone’s potatoes for them right now.
Of course, giving to others still matters, and it needn’t be physically demanding — a charitable donation, a kind word, a thoughtful message, a smile, even reaching out to others who might be struggling with a blog post. It doesn’t have to cost the earth.
But sometimes it’s as much about giving to myself as it is to others — buys self a massive box of chocolates (just kidding). What I’m really talking about is giving myself some love and care, in the same way I’d want to take care of my loved ones. Most of us would never dream of treating others as harshly as we treat ourselves.
When I’m running on empty, the smallest act of self-kindness can make all the difference — a nap, a walk, five minutes of quiet and a cup of tea, just enough to keep going until I start feeling like myself again. We should be actively looking out for ourselves as well as others. It’s taken me a long time to accept that you can’t pour from an empty cup; you need to fill it first.
A final note on the five small things that help when I’m struggling
These five small things didn’t appear overnight — they’ve evolved over many years of my life. I’m in my late forties now and have had more than my share of experience in this area. Stubbornness and pride stopped me from reaching out for a long time — that, and the fear of being judged or labelled.
I thought I could just “carry on regardless”, but I was wrong. That’s why I’m writing this — because this is what I wish I could have read thirty years ago.
You are not alone. You are important. And it’s okay not to be okay.
✏️ Disclaimer
I’m not a medical professional. This post shares personal experience and my own five small things that help when I am struggling. If you’re struggling, please speak to your GP or use the helplines above. You deserve support.
☎️ Resources and helplines (UK)
If you’re in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.
For non-emergency support:
NHS 111: Get urgent help for your mental health — call 111 or use 111 online.
Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) or email jo@samaritans.org
Shout: Text SHOUT to 85258 for free, confidential support, 24/7
Mind: Information & support via mind.org.uk
Mental Health Foundation: mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/get-help
(If you’re outside the UK, check your local services for equivalent support.)
💬 Join in
I would love to hear your five small things. Tell me in the comments if you like – your ideas may well help someone else.